Grief & Loss vs. Depression

I took it upon myself to see a psychologist.  No I am not ashamed of it, no one who ever goes to therapy should feel ashamed.  Everyone is human and everyone goes through tough times.  From previous experiences, therapy has done wonders for my emotions and my life, so I decided I need to get back into it.

I want to share my biggest take-a-way from therapy today. I have depression... that is something I have known and done a great job accepting.  I accept that I have depression, but I am currently working on not letting it define who I am.  It is not "my" depression, as I sometimes refer too, it is "the" depression. Simply by changing the reference from 'my' to 'the' makes depression a health issue, rather than a part of my life.

As I thought about the depression in my life, I was asked by my psychologist whether the emotions I am currently feeling about my recent stop to my snowboard career was a trigger to the depression or simply an emotion of grief and loss.  It took me a while to think and realize the answer to that question.  Aren't the too the same thing? In my situation, they are not.  The grief and loss of loosing my snowboard dreams are a separate emotion from the depression. There are different ways to heal from depression, just as there are different ways to heal from a loss or grief.  My goal now is to heal and deal with my grief.  Once I work to handle this, the depression will slowly fade.  I plan to allow my self to feel the loss and grief, let me emotions flood if they need, and talk about the pain I am feeling.  Once I accept this grief, I can work to move forward, find new passions and be on the road to there....

November.. A Little Closer to Winter

I woke up this morning with extreme anxiety.. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to go outside and look at the snow we were supposed to wake up too. This is so unlike me, I love snow. I love everything about snow, especially the first major snowfalls.  Snow always meant winter, which meant snowboarding, which meant my season was approaching. Then it hit me, I subconsciously had anxiety because I knew there was no competitive snowboard season for me this winter, or ever again. I admit, I cried for a little.. more like a lot.  But crying is okay, crying is healing.  Instead of being in denial of my emotions and my life change this coming winter, I choose to accept it.  I choose to accept that I had a life threatening injury then made me end my dreams of pursuing a career in snowboarding, I choose to let myself feel ANY emotions it wants to feel, but most importantly, I accept a new life for myself, whatever that may be.  I am alive and healthy, and right now, that is what matters.  I am happy, but I will become happier.  Maybe my life has something even better in store for me than the Olympics, and I cannot wait to life this new journey to there.

I Am Graduating From College!!

Although this has been an extremely rough year for me, I have some great news I want to share with everyone!!! I am officially graduating from college in December from Central Michigan University! For those who have been a part of my journey, it has been very difficult to get a college degree AND pursue my dreams snowboarding. I was determined to graduate and finally all my hard work has paid off! Studying during all my travels around the world, at competitions and even when I'm injured was super hard, but I did it!! My biggest challenge to finish school was managing my concussion issues, which SUCKED! I admit, I probably should have taken more time off of school once I hurt my head again, but regardless, IM GRADUATING!!!! Thanks to all who have supported me through ALL my journeys, including this one! fire up chips!!!!

Life AFTER snowboarding

Life is full of journeys, experiences and adventures. As I look back on the last 7 or so years of my life, I had more of that then most people ever have in their entire life. I wish that I could say I have more years left to live those same adventures, but it's time to start making new memories in a new way. Snowboarding has been the biggest part of my life for a long time. I had a dream when I was very young, and did everything in my power to live that dream. I gave up part of high school, my wish to become a pediatric oncologist, friendships, family time and a "normal" teenage/young adult life to spend countless hours on my snowboard training, waking up at the crack of dawn to get multiple gym sessions in, eat like a health freak and rarely have "cheat" days, injuries that will impact my life forever, blood sweat and tears, but was also able to travel the world, live in different parts of the country, meet some of the most amazing people who are now lifelong friends, and do the thing I love most, snowboard! As I think back on all of the injuries I have had, nothing compares to what I am going through now. I would break my hip 1000 more times then get another concussion, which is why I made the decision to end my competitive snowboard journey. Brain injuries SUCK, there is no better word to describe them and I would never wish them upon anyone. With the support and love from so many though, I am slowly recovering and able to get back to my everyday tasks, including recreational (casual) snowboarding come winter!! Seeing my former teammates head to Australia and Argentina was a lot harder then I thought, I only wish I could be there with them too! Though it is absolutely heartbreaking and (I admit) has led to many tears to end such a huge part of my life, I am so thankful I have made wonderful memories and friends that will last a lifetime. Thank you to all of you, my sponsors, my supporters, my friends, and most of all, my family, who have stood by me since day one on this snowboard journey. You are the reason I have been able to live such a great life; I cannot thank you enough. As for now, I am not sure where my life will lead me to. All I know is that I will be okay, and I have many many many more years to make even more (and maybe even better) adventures and memories!! #loveyourbrain 

Although my snowboard career may be over, my blog is not. With inspiration from a class in college I am in, I decided to continue this blog with my life AFTER snowboarding! I cannot wait to bring you all along my journey of creating a new life outside of snowboarding!

Concussed but OKAY!

Unfortunately, the second day I get back from Christmas vacation, I smacked my noggin just a little bit TOO hard, and gave myself a concussion. I won't lie, from what I remember, it was really scary.  Especially the few days after, I couldn't remember ANYTHING! Concussions are definitely something you don't want to mess around with, especially since this one of MANY concussions, so I have been taking it extremely easy the last 15 days.  I've been getting a lot of quality time with my beautiful dog! Thankfully, this is NOT a season ending injury, and I will be back in snow TOMORROW :) I will obviously be easing back into snowboarding, but I plan to be ready to go, full fuel, by my first Nor-Am of the season end of next week!
Thank you to everyone for all the prayers for me to get well soon! They worked!! :) Now its time to go kick a** in Canada!!

Winter is Just About Here!

I spy snow on the mountains, and snow on the ground every morning! Word on the street is A-Basin and Loveland are open! All this means WINTER is just around the corner, and I cannot be more excited! The last month I've been in summit, I've been putting a lot of time in the gym and in my yoga practices, and think I'm ready for the season to begin!! On top of that, I got a teaching job at Summit Hot Yoga, on Tuesdays at 6:00 am! 

BUT, the most exciting thing of all, is in just about 2 weeks, the ISTC is off to Austria for a camp and 2 competitions. I cannot wait to go back to Europe, and get back on a boardercross course!

This is going to be a good season for me, I can feel it!! 

Fall in the Rockies

I'm finally back in Colorado, and it's around my favorite time of year.... fall! The colors are absolutely breathtaking and the weather has been so nice!! On top of that, my home for the next 7 months couldn't be any more perfect.  Its not only a beautiful home, but just has just as nice of a backyard!! I even have an awesome porch to practice my daily yoga!! Nala is loving life too.. though I think she really misses Burton (our family dog back in Michigan), she is having a ball running around, hiking and enjoying the outdoors!!

Monday starts gym training with my team, and I couldn't be more ready for it!! I cannot wait for the snow too fall and start snowboarding... but in the mean time, I'm going to embrace this beautiful weather. You can find me outside :)

                                             

Parents are here with me for the week :)