How Nala Saved Me From the Depression

I stumbled upon this article where a women claims getting a puppy saved her from depression.  I got my beautiful black lab, Nala, about a year and a half ago.  One of the major reasons I decided to get a dog was because I heard that dogs are a wonderful emotional support and can be great for individuals who suffer from depression.  Since the second I brought Nala home, she gave me even more of a reason to live.  It was the best feeling ever to come home, or even wake up to a dog that is so happy to see you all of the time.  Nala is always full of so much happiness and energy, it rubs off on me.  I brighten her day, as she does mine.  Nala also has even been so amazing when I have bad days.  She will simply lay with me, cuddle and give me lots of love.  When I cry, she will literally give me a hug and I know she is telling me everything will be okay.  Though dogs are a lot of responsibility, it is such an amazing responsibility.  I love my Nala and cannot wait to have her by my side for years and years to come.

Check out this article, it is really good!
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/health/getting-a-puppy-saved-me-from-depression/

Love Your Brain

Concussions are something no one should ever mess with.  I know just a few years ago and beyond, concussions were nothing more you "ringing your bell," and it was very easy to just get back into the game. Today, more and more research is being done with concussions and they are becoming more an more serious.  Concussions are NO different today than they were back then, the only difference is we have more studies and information on them to know they are serious.  Concussions are classified as a TBI, a Traumatic Brain Injury.  The more you get, the more dangerous they can be.  In fact, the more concussions you get, the more susceptible to another concussion you are. Concussions are scary, they are dangerous, and I do not think anyone takes them as seriously as they really are...

I hit my head in January.  I followed standard concussion protocol to get back to snowboarding and thought I felt better as time went on.  Yes, I had headaches here and there, but what athlete doesn't get headaches sometimes?.. Or at least that is what I told myself. I thought I was ready to compete in my first competition of the 2015-2016 season, so I traveled to Canada and competed.  Little I know this would have been the biggest mistake of my snowboard career.  Trying to ride the snowboard-cross coarse that I was supposed to compete on was nearly impossible.  My balance was off, I felt like I couldn't move my body the way I wanted it to, I felt as if I was in a fog and my reaction time was way off.  I took a few falls, never hitting my head, but I knew I was never going to be okay after this competition.  When I returned home (back to Colorado) I started having constant headaches, nausea and vertigo.  The vertigo was the worst, I could barely get out of bed without feeling like I was going to fall over.  I couldn't do anything, whether it was read, write, cook, stand up or even go on a walk, for more than a few minutes at a time.  Most days I felt to sick to get out of bed.  I was simply in a mental fog. On top of how bad all of these symptoms were, they made me more anxious and depressed than I had ever been in my life. I didn't heal properly.  

I had a difficult time communicating with my friends and family what I was actually going through.  It seemed as if I couldn't describe anything I was feeling because everything was so bad.  When I finally saw a doctor, I realized how serious my condition was.  What I think is most serious about concussions is there is no real treatment for post-concussion syndrome. Rest as much as you want and hope that in time, you will heal.  My doctor told me some suggestions for rehab, including vestibular therapy, wearing sunglasses everywhere, avoiding any physical activity, limit uses of cell phones and other electronics, take constant "breaks," but most importantly, rest.  As active as I have always been throughout my life, resting may have helped heal my brain, but it did extreme damage to my mind/emotions and my mental state.  I sunk into a deeper depression.  I lost not only the sport that I loved and was so passionate about, but my life.  I couldn't do anything I loved for a unknown amount of time.  Working out, yoga, being outside, snowboarding, running, hiking, mountain biking, boating, dancing or even playing with my dog were activities that I could no longer do.  I cannot explain how heartbreaking it was/is for me to not be able to do the things I love.  

It's been about 10 months since my concussion, and I am still unable to do many of the things I love.  I JUST began slowly working out, which excludes lifting, running and doing anything that brings my heart rate over 140 bpm.  I cannot do anything that puts me in danger of hitting my head again, so that means no mountain biking, but I can bike... no fun snowboarding, just causal riding and still no more intense playing with my dog.  I admit, even though I can do some of the things I used to love so much, I hardly have any motivation to do them.  I have so much time throughout the day to workout and do some of the things I am able to do, but I find myself everyday dreading a workout or forcing myself to go.  This is so unlike me, I used to love working out. I was addicted, and would go many times a day if I could.  I don't recognize this new Brooke sometimes. I know that time will heal, but I can only hope that time will give me more motivation and happiness when I am able to do the things I used to love.

For now, I am determined to now dwell over the things I lost.  It is time for me to find new passions and adapt to these new passions.  I have not lost faith that I will be reunited with my old passions, but the only way for me to grow and be a happier and healthier person is to find new passions.  What are these new passions. This is my focus for the next week on my road to there..

#loveyourbrain

Grief & Loss vs. Depression

I took it upon myself to see a psychologist.  No I am not ashamed of it, no one who ever goes to therapy should feel ashamed.  Everyone is human and everyone goes through tough times.  From previous experiences, therapy has done wonders for my emotions and my life, so I decided I need to get back into it.

I want to share my biggest take-a-way from therapy today. I have depression... that is something I have known and done a great job accepting.  I accept that I have depression, but I am currently working on not letting it define who I am.  It is not "my" depression, as I sometimes refer too, it is "the" depression. Simply by changing the reference from 'my' to 'the' makes depression a health issue, rather than a part of my life.

As I thought about the depression in my life, I was asked by my psychologist whether the emotions I am currently feeling about my recent stop to my snowboard career was a trigger to the depression or simply an emotion of grief and loss.  It took me a while to think and realize the answer to that question.  Aren't the too the same thing? In my situation, they are not.  The grief and loss of loosing my snowboard dreams are a separate emotion from the depression. There are different ways to heal from depression, just as there are different ways to heal from a loss or grief.  My goal now is to heal and deal with my grief.  Once I work to handle this, the depression will slowly fade.  I plan to allow my self to feel the loss and grief, let me emotions flood if they need, and talk about the pain I am feeling.  Once I accept this grief, I can work to move forward, find new passions and be on the road to there....

November.. A Little Closer to Winter

I woke up this morning with extreme anxiety.. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to go outside and look at the snow we were supposed to wake up too. This is so unlike me, I love snow. I love everything about snow, especially the first major snowfalls.  Snow always meant winter, which meant snowboarding, which meant my season was approaching. Then it hit me, I subconsciously had anxiety because I knew there was no competitive snowboard season for me this winter, or ever again. I admit, I cried for a little.. more like a lot.  But crying is okay, crying is healing.  Instead of being in denial of my emotions and my life change this coming winter, I choose to accept it.  I choose to accept that I had a life threatening injury then made me end my dreams of pursuing a career in snowboarding, I choose to let myself feel ANY emotions it wants to feel, but most importantly, I accept a new life for myself, whatever that may be.  I am alive and healthy, and right now, that is what matters.  I am happy, but I will become happier.  Maybe my life has something even better in store for me than the Olympics, and I cannot wait to life this new journey to there.

I Am Graduating From College!!

Although this has been an extremely rough year for me, I have some great news I want to share with everyone!!! I am officially graduating from college in December from Central Michigan University! For those who have been a part of my journey, it has been very difficult to get a college degree AND pursue my dreams snowboarding. I was determined to graduate and finally all my hard work has paid off! Studying during all my travels around the world, at competitions and even when I'm injured was super hard, but I did it!! My biggest challenge to finish school was managing my concussion issues, which SUCKED! I admit, I probably should have taken more time off of school once I hurt my head again, but regardless, IM GRADUATING!!!! Thanks to all who have supported me through ALL my journeys, including this one! fire up chips!!!!

Life AFTER snowboarding

Life is full of journeys, experiences and adventures. As I look back on the last 7 or so years of my life, I had more of that then most people ever have in their entire life. I wish that I could say I have more years left to live those same adventures, but it's time to start making new memories in a new way. Snowboarding has been the biggest part of my life for a long time. I had a dream when I was very young, and did everything in my power to live that dream. I gave up part of high school, my wish to become a pediatric oncologist, friendships, family time and a "normal" teenage/young adult life to spend countless hours on my snowboard training, waking up at the crack of dawn to get multiple gym sessions in, eat like a health freak and rarely have "cheat" days, injuries that will impact my life forever, blood sweat and tears, but was also able to travel the world, live in different parts of the country, meet some of the most amazing people who are now lifelong friends, and do the thing I love most, snowboard! As I think back on all of the injuries I have had, nothing compares to what I am going through now. I would break my hip 1000 more times then get another concussion, which is why I made the decision to end my competitive snowboard journey. Brain injuries SUCK, there is no better word to describe them and I would never wish them upon anyone. With the support and love from so many though, I am slowly recovering and able to get back to my everyday tasks, including recreational (casual) snowboarding come winter!! Seeing my former teammates head to Australia and Argentina was a lot harder then I thought, I only wish I could be there with them too! Though it is absolutely heartbreaking and (I admit) has led to many tears to end such a huge part of my life, I am so thankful I have made wonderful memories and friends that will last a lifetime. Thank you to all of you, my sponsors, my supporters, my friends, and most of all, my family, who have stood by me since day one on this snowboard journey. You are the reason I have been able to live such a great life; I cannot thank you enough. As for now, I am not sure where my life will lead me to. All I know is that I will be okay, and I have many many many more years to make even more (and maybe even better) adventures and memories!! #loveyourbrain 

Although my snowboard career may be over, my blog is not. With inspiration from a class in college I am in, I decided to continue this blog with my life AFTER snowboarding! I cannot wait to bring you all along my journey of creating a new life outside of snowboarding!

Concussed but OKAY!

Unfortunately, the second day I get back from Christmas vacation, I smacked my noggin just a little bit TOO hard, and gave myself a concussion. I won't lie, from what I remember, it was really scary.  Especially the few days after, I couldn't remember ANYTHING! Concussions are definitely something you don't want to mess around with, especially since this one of MANY concussions, so I have been taking it extremely easy the last 15 days.  I've been getting a lot of quality time with my beautiful dog! Thankfully, this is NOT a season ending injury, and I will be back in snow TOMORROW :) I will obviously be easing back into snowboarding, but I plan to be ready to go, full fuel, by my first Nor-Am of the season end of next week!
Thank you to everyone for all the prayers for me to get well soon! They worked!! :) Now its time to go kick a** in Canada!!