Love Your Brain

Concussions are something no one should ever mess with.  I know just a few years ago and beyond, concussions were nothing more you "ringing your bell," and it was very easy to just get back into the game. Today, more and more research is being done with concussions and they are becoming more an more serious.  Concussions are NO different today than they were back then, the only difference is we have more studies and information on them to know they are serious.  Concussions are classified as a TBI, a Traumatic Brain Injury.  The more you get, the more dangerous they can be.  In fact, the more concussions you get, the more susceptible to another concussion you are. Concussions are scary, they are dangerous, and I do not think anyone takes them as seriously as they really are...

I hit my head in January.  I followed standard concussion protocol to get back to snowboarding and thought I felt better as time went on.  Yes, I had headaches here and there, but what athlete doesn't get headaches sometimes?.. Or at least that is what I told myself. I thought I was ready to compete in my first competition of the 2015-2016 season, so I traveled to Canada and competed.  Little I know this would have been the biggest mistake of my snowboard career.  Trying to ride the snowboard-cross coarse that I was supposed to compete on was nearly impossible.  My balance was off, I felt like I couldn't move my body the way I wanted it to, I felt as if I was in a fog and my reaction time was way off.  I took a few falls, never hitting my head, but I knew I was never going to be okay after this competition.  When I returned home (back to Colorado) I started having constant headaches, nausea and vertigo.  The vertigo was the worst, I could barely get out of bed without feeling like I was going to fall over.  I couldn't do anything, whether it was read, write, cook, stand up or even go on a walk, for more than a few minutes at a time.  Most days I felt to sick to get out of bed.  I was simply in a mental fog. On top of how bad all of these symptoms were, they made me more anxious and depressed than I had ever been in my life. I didn't heal properly.  

I had a difficult time communicating with my friends and family what I was actually going through.  It seemed as if I couldn't describe anything I was feeling because everything was so bad.  When I finally saw a doctor, I realized how serious my condition was.  What I think is most serious about concussions is there is no real treatment for post-concussion syndrome. Rest as much as you want and hope that in time, you will heal.  My doctor told me some suggestions for rehab, including vestibular therapy, wearing sunglasses everywhere, avoiding any physical activity, limit uses of cell phones and other electronics, take constant "breaks," but most importantly, rest.  As active as I have always been throughout my life, resting may have helped heal my brain, but it did extreme damage to my mind/emotions and my mental state.  I sunk into a deeper depression.  I lost not only the sport that I loved and was so passionate about, but my life.  I couldn't do anything I loved for a unknown amount of time.  Working out, yoga, being outside, snowboarding, running, hiking, mountain biking, boating, dancing or even playing with my dog were activities that I could no longer do.  I cannot explain how heartbreaking it was/is for me to not be able to do the things I love.  

It's been about 10 months since my concussion, and I am still unable to do many of the things I love.  I JUST began slowly working out, which excludes lifting, running and doing anything that brings my heart rate over 140 bpm.  I cannot do anything that puts me in danger of hitting my head again, so that means no mountain biking, but I can bike... no fun snowboarding, just causal riding and still no more intense playing with my dog.  I admit, even though I can do some of the things I used to love so much, I hardly have any motivation to do them.  I have so much time throughout the day to workout and do some of the things I am able to do, but I find myself everyday dreading a workout or forcing myself to go.  This is so unlike me, I used to love working out. I was addicted, and would go many times a day if I could.  I don't recognize this new Brooke sometimes. I know that time will heal, but I can only hope that time will give me more motivation and happiness when I am able to do the things I used to love.

For now, I am determined to now dwell over the things I lost.  It is time for me to find new passions and adapt to these new passions.  I have not lost faith that I will be reunited with my old passions, but the only way for me to grow and be a happier and healthier person is to find new passions.  What are these new passions. This is my focus for the next week on my road to there..

#loveyourbrain